Navigating the school years brings exciting developments, but also new challenges in behaviour. Your child is transitioning from the immediate emotional reactions of a toddler to teenager to the complex social world of school and friends. This can lead to new types of meltdowns, backchat, and defiance.
Here are three simple, effective strategies to help you manage behaviour and foster a positive atmosphere at home.
Focus on the positive, and catch them being good. It’s easy to fall into the habit of only reacting when something goes wrong. However, children thrive on attention, and they’ll repeat the behaviours that get it, even negative ones.
Be specific with praise: Instead of a vague “Good job,” try to be specific. Say, “I love how you put your shoes away without being asked. That was really helpful!” Specific praise tells them exactly what you want them to do more of.
The 4:1 Rule: Aim for a ratio of at least four positive interactions (praise, smiles, hugs, high-fives) for every one time you have to correct negative behaviour. This keeps their emotional “tank” full.
Use descriptive acknowledgement: Simply describing what they are doing well works wonders. “I see you’ve been working (on that puzzle for ten minutes, for example). You’re being very persistent!”
Set clear, consistent boundaries (routines are your friend!) Children feel safer and more secure when they know what to expect. Inconsistency is a major driver of testing behaviour. Morning, after-school, and bedtime routines should be set and visible. Consider a simple visual chart for younger children outlining steps like “Put bag down,” “Wash hands,” and “Start homework.” Keep Rules Simple: Have a small number of core household rules (e.g., “We speak kindly,” “We keep our hands to ourselves”). When correcting a behaviour, simply refer back to the rule. “Remember, we speak kindly. Please try that again.”
Follow Through on Consequences: If you set a consequence, you must follow through every time. If screen time is lost for the day because of poor behaviour, it stays lost. Giving in “just this once” teaches them that if they push hard enough, the rule is negotiable.
Try to unpick the reasons behind behaviour. Behaviour is a form of communication. When your child misbehaves, they may be struggling to articulate a need, feeling, or problem. A child melting down over a dropped pencil might actually be stressed about a test tomorrow, exhausted from a busy school day, or hungry. Similarly, tune in to triggers: What usually causes the outbursts? Is it when they are hungry (a “h-anger” issue)? When they have too much choice? Or right after you pick up your phone? Identifying the trigger helps you pre-empt the problem.
Teach Emotional Literacy: Help them label their feelings. Instead of punishing a shout, calmly say, “I can see you’re feeling frustrated right now because that toy won’t work. Let’s take a deep breath together.” This gives them the vocabulary and tools to manage their emotions next time. Zones of Regulation is a really useful book to support this approach. Remember, parenting is a marathon, not a sprint. Be patient with your child, and more importantly, be patient with yourself! The schools of Amersham want to work closely with you – please read your school’s behaviour policy (from their individual school website) to equip you with tools to support your child’s behaviour in school. It is very important to support the school’s policy, which will exist to help create a safe and positive learning environment for all the students in the school.
